Sitting back and thinking today, I remembered some things that I forgot to add. It seems like so much has been going on lately that it's hard to keep track. So I'll try my best to add everything into this post that I forgot to add in the beginning...
2 days after receiving the heartbreaking news, we went to speak with our priest. It wasn't easy leaving the house and openly talking about what is going on with Sophia. Actually, I was scared that my priest wouldn't know what Anencephaly was and that I would end up having to go into detail. Shockingly, I didn't have to. He knew exactly what it was. We went on to talk about how or why this is happening to us. And why would God be wanting to take her away from us so soon after she is born. He came out with a good point, and said, Maybe he's taking her early because He knows what was planned in her life. Maybe she would've gotten into a very bad car accident or worse, sometime in the future and we'd end up losing her then. Point is, I don't want to lose her at all.... Ever!! But he went on to say that this is her express ticket to Heaven. And atleast with her being in Heaven and God taking great care of her, she will always be safe and out of harms way. I can agree with what he has said, but at the same time it doesn't make anything any easier for me.
That following Monday morning, I went to speak with my family doctor. We've been close for many many years. And atleast with a doctor, I knew I wouldn't have to explain anything. She's been there for me all throughout all my pregnancies. I explained everything I'm feeling, and how scared I am. She also told me that it would be up to me on what decision I wanted to take and that no matter what, the community would all be by my side. I explained to her how I was afraid that after having Sophia, I wouldn't be able to have anymore children. I've always wanted a big family, atleast 6. And I knew that sometime in the future I would like to try for one more baby. But I was afraid I wouldn't be able to because all my babies are delivered by c-section. She assured me that when I feel ready to try again, I could give it a go. After talking for awhile, we said our goodbyes, with a big hug.
Now I know some of you may think that by me wanting to have another baby in the future means that I'm just trying to replace Sophia. Another baby would definitely NOT take Sophia's place. Noone could ever take her place. She is a very important part of our family, and always will be!
We put together a collage of all Sophia's ultrasound pictures. It's a pretty big frame and I love to show off her pictures. It hangs on our living room wall. I had 2 people ask me so far, "Why do you do that to yourself?" or "Why do you keep that out in the open knowing it's going to hurt you to see that every day?" I'm not doing anything to myself. And it doesn't hurt me to see my precious daughter's pictures hanging on the wall. It just goes to show everyone that Sophia is REAL! And right now, she is very much alive! When the time comes that we can no longer be together, I will continue to leave her pictures out in the open. They have every right to be there. She is part of us! And don't ever forget that!
I've never really realized how important it is to take pictures of your belly. I only ever had a couple taken here and a couple taken there with my other children. This has changed! I'm starting to take pictures every week. Not only to share with everyone, but also to print out and put into Sophia's baby book. I feel the need to document everything this time around, so I don't forget things!
Here is one of those pics :)
Many many more to come. Keep checking back :)