Sunday, May 22, 2011

Please don't...

say that things will get easier... because they will only get worse before they get any better.

Please don't say that I am strong... because I feel very weak. I am only as strong as God allows me to be.

Please don't say that I'm a great person... because I feel horrible!

I really do appreciate the comments from those of you who tell me I am strong and a great person/mother. But there are times like these, where I do not feel very strong or very great at all. I came to the conclusion that I am going to leave everything in God's hands. But even then, that doesn't help to lift the blues that I have been feeling today.

I guess having 2 good days in a row was too much. I was asking for a 3rd, but I didn't get it. Am I really asking for too much? I don't feel as if I'm asking for much at all.

Is this God's way of punishing me? Does He look upon me as a bad mother? I try my best to do right by my kids and my family. I've always been known as the person that always puts others needs ahead of my own. I rarely ever think of myself. As long as everyone around me is happy, I'm happy.

Until now. I feel as if I'm the worst person to live with. I don't feel like doing anything. All I ever want to do is cry. And when I don't feel like crying, I feel like sleeping. Sleep is like my get-a-way from the reality of life. In my dreams, we have this beautiful baby girl who is one of the happiest babies I have ever seen. Our family sits back and watches her grow. She rarely ever cries. She always has a smile on her face. A smile that could light up an entire room. She's a spittin' image of her older sister.

And then I wake up and realize, it was all just a dream. At that point, I just want to cry. Why does it seem like my life is one big "joke"?

Yesterday was supposed to be "Judgement Day", atleast according to one person. I sat here almost wishing it was! This way we could all reach Heaven and live happily ever after. No more pain, no more sorrow. But of course, that didn't happen. Like the bible states, "No man shall know". People and their predictions... what a waste.

There are times when I feel very angry with God. Not because He put Sophia in our lives. But because of how much hurt He is allowing me to go through. I'm told it is normal to feel angry with Him. Just not to allow that anger to put a distance between me & Him. Keep Faith... that I have always been told.

Please do not take my vent in a bad way... I'm just hurting very deeply right now and need to get some of it off my chest.

Our love only gets deeper, thanks to you Sophia!

Happy Birthday (to me)

I have heard it said numerous times all week. I really do appreciate all the warm birthday wishes that everyone has sent. But the only thing I have been able to be happy about on this birthday, is the fact that I got to spend it with Sophia and the rest of my family. Other than that, it was just another day. I didn't do anything special. I just tried to "take it easy". I was asked several times by those closest to me, "What would you like for your birthday this year?" My response: "What I really want, I cannot have." Some left it at that and some begged me to stop because it was making them sad. Truth is, all I want for my birthday is to be able to keep Sophia with me, not just in my heart and mind.

Despite telling people that, or telling them that I'm getting too old for gifts, I still received a few. A couple nice, cool outfits for the summer (and something I can actually squeeze into), homemade birthday cards from my kids, dipped strawberries, and best of all, our pregnancy portraits from NILMDTS. I will get to that a bit later though. Nice gestures, but it just doesn't compare! I would trade nearly anything to be able to keep my precious little girl.

This week has been full of ups and downs. I had some really bad days where I didn't want to do a thing. And then days like today, where Angel and the kids decide, out of the blue, to set up a stand to try to raise money for Sophia's headstone. So, this afternoon, they all made their way outside to sell lemonade & hot dogs. Before long, people were stopping by. And most of them didn't want anything. They just wanted to give a donation and look at the pictures we had hanging on the pole of Sophia. Some of them asked questions, some of them gave us their condolences, and some just wanted to know what Anencephaly was. Sometimes I find it so hard to explain exactly what it is. So today, I left that part up to Angel. I just sat by, watching. Most people looked over at me with a look of sadness. I understand, it's heartbreaking. Believe me, I know firsthand/ But noone will ever know exactly what I'm feeling inside. Even those feelings are hard to explain to someone. I've tried, and they look at me as if I'm crazy.

As of Thursday, we reached 30 weeks. And I'm so upset that I do not have a picture to share. Something is seriously wrong with my camera (which we specifically bought to take pics of Sophia's birth). Angel tried to take it back to the store, but since it has been more then 15 days, there is nothing they can do. They told us to contact Kodak. No problem. I spoke with an online agent. She goes on to tell me that it's a problem with the battery. Okay, the camera is only going on 4 months old, still has a warranty. Then she tells me they cannot help me if I do not have a copy of the receipt. I've never been good at keeping receipts... ever! Now I'm stuck with a camera that cost us about $120 and it won't work. I'm so bummed out, that alone makes me want to cry! I was really enjoying being able to take pictures every week of my growing belly :)

Friday rolls around... I'm the big 26 now. Goodbye 25, hello 26. Doesn't feel any different. Honestly, I just wanted to sleep the day away and act as if it never happened. Thank God I didn't. I was hoping to get our NILMDTS pregnancy pictures back by my birthday... and I did! I was so excited to find the link to a website in my e-mail later that day. She sent us 3 pictures on Thursday night. I fell in love with them right away and was very excited to see the rest. So as soon as I noticed the e-mail, it was time to check them out. Absolutely beautiful! Stunning! I couldn't have asked for anything better. They turned out great! Here's a little peek:
Family pic!
To see the rest, please go to On the left side is the guest area. Click there. The username is Sophia Grace and the password is 23376. Login your info and it'll take you to the pictures. I tend to look at them several hundred times a day. I can't wait to be able to hang them up all over our house. Beautiful memories caught on camera. Beautiful memories that we made with Sophia. Memories... ugh, I'm really starting to hate the way that word sounds. Almost like all I'll ever have of Sophia is memories. I want so much more then that! Back to the website, once you're logged in, there is a guestbook on the left side. Please feel free to leave us a comment. We would love to know how many people are looking at our pictures :)

Kathy, if you're reading this... Thank you from the bottom of my heart! You and Ben did an amazing job. These pictures are just breathtaking. I love them so very much. Thank you for taking the time out of your day to meet with us. I will never forget you. You will always hold a very special place in our hearts! Thank you just isn't enough.

Back to our little sale today... we didn't get to stay out very long. The rain chased us back inside. But while we were out there, we were able to raise $64 towards Sophia's headstone. God, how I wish I could put that money towards clothes, diapers, bottles, stroller, etc. Thank you to all who stopped by today and enjoyed our hot dogs and lemonade, or just gave a donation. No matter how big or small, it helps! We deeply appreciate it.

I want to apologize if this post seems very unorganized. Truth is, I feel very unorganized myself lately. I have yet to start picking up the pieces to what used to be my life. They're still scattered all over the floor. And I just don't know where to start to put it all back together again. I'm not sure I want to either. As I have said many times before, this is a very difficult journey. One I had never expected to be on. One I had never truly understood. Even now, I don't fully understand it. And we've been on this journey now for almost 3 months. Maybe I will never understand. At one point, I knew just what I wanted to do with my life, aside from trying to be the best mother I can be. I was so interested in the Criminal Justice field and I was doing everything in my power to make my way there. But, I have officially given up. I do not feel as if my calling is Criminal Justice. I feel now that my calling in life is to help others, even in the slightest bit, to get through hard times like these. When they're faced with a fatal prenatal diagnosis, I want to be right there saying, "I know how you feel! I've been there. And this is what we can do to get through it... but only when you're ready." Now what profession would that be? I really do not know.

Oops, there I go again. Completely random. Maybe it's the fact that it's getting late. Maybe I should just go rest my weary eyes and leave blogging for another day.

Thanks for taking the time to read this "messy" post. And a quick welcome to all my new readers. Thank you for joining us on this journey. Sophia's Journey. The Velazquez Family Journey... whatever you want to call it :)
A family's bond, one that is unbreakable!
We love you, Sophia Grace

Tuesday, May 17, 2011

Hurtful comments...

are something I'm slowly starting to get used to. Within the last 3 months, I have heard several aimed in my direction.

"Why are the doctors going to continue to monitor her if you're just gonna lose her anyway?"
"You know, hanging ultrasound pictures up of her is like beating your head into a wall."
"Well, atleast it's almost over."
"Why would you put your baby through such pain?"

But the one that is really bothering me is, "It's better to lose a baby as a newborn rather then when they are a couple years old."

This statement wasn't made to me. It was made to my 10 year old daughter! This one statement really upset her. And when she finally came to me and told me about it, I was beyond furious. At that point, I wanted to make some heads roll! As a family, we are going through so much right now that we really do NOT need the rude/nasty comments. What we are doing is something we believe in. Every child, every baby, has a right to have a chance at life! What makes Sophia any different? Why do these people have to continue throwing salt on an open wound?

I wish this comment would've been made directly to me. Then I could've put this person in her place. But to have the nerve to say it to a 10 year old girl, who is hurting beyond this person's imagination, is just down right cruel! They have no idea what happens at home, behind closed doors. I find my daughter crying because she doesn't want to lose her only sister. She's just a jumble of mixed emotions. She understands that her sister is very special and will be taken right to Heaven when God calls her Home. But Mercedes still finds this very unfair, as do I.

She went on to tell my daughter that there really isn't a bond there when you lose them right away. Any REAL mother would know that a bond has been made between mother and child from the minute they find out they are expecting. That bond only gets stronger during delivery. I was very hurt, upset, disappointed, you name it! I guess it really wouldn't matter had it been a stranger to say this. But this person is part of our family (or should I say was). She has never experienced the loss of a child, and honestly, I hope she never does! I wish noone ever had to experience the pain that we have been feeling, along with many other families who have lost their babies.

I had an opportunity to confront her about this 2 days after she said it. But I kept my cool, I had to. She showed up for a combination party for 2 of my sons (their birthdays are 2 weeks apart) and my daughter's First Holy Communion party. I couldn't believe that she actually had the nerve to ask me, "So, how are you feeling?" I wanted to snap right then and there. But instead, I answered with "Eh." and kept moving. She didn't want to know how I was feeling. She should already know!

But I take pride in knowing that what we are doing with Sophia is very special. We're giving her a chance at life, no matter how long or how short. At the same time, we are showing our 4 other children the true meaning of unconditional love. When Sophia is called Home, she will leave behind a legacy. One that we will all continue to spread like wildfire. This precious little girl means the world to us all.

This journey has not been an easy one. I wouldn't wish this on my own worst enemy. But I can tell you this, I wouldn't trade our time with Sophia for anything in this world. God put Sophia in our lives for a reason, whether it be to teach us to love deeper, appreciate life more than we have, to become closer to Him, or because He knows we're strong enough to get through this and spread the much needed awareness. The reason is unknown!

During my daughter's First Holy Communion Mass, it felt as if God was talking to us through our priest. There was something he said that felt like it was directed right at me. I wish I could remember his exact words. But I found myself dazed after he spoke his words. It was along the lines of, all we ever want to do is to be good parents and point our children in the right direction so they may return Home. Maybe that wasn't it... but it's pretty close! I remember sitting there, dazed and thinking, "I will be bringing Sophia into this world, for a short period of time, and she will return Home and be with Jesus. Who could ask for anything more?" But I do ask for more. It makes me feel selfish. But I ask that He grant us a miracle and allow Sophia to stay here with her family. Like any mother, I do not want to give up my daughter, not even to God. But sometime within the next 9 weeks and 2 days, I will have to. And not by choice. But because that is what He wants.

**Sophia Grace Velazquez... much too beautiful for Earth**

Family Pic!! In back, Angel & me. In front, Junior, Mercedes, Javier, & Jordan. Special Guest: Sophia Grace!

Wednesday, May 11, 2011

Meetings, Appointments, Pictures.... Oh My!

Looks like I have a lot to update everyone on. I truly am sorry that it has taken so long to update everyone as to what has been going on. It has been quite a stressful week. So, let me take you all back to Thursday (May 5):

6:30am wake-up call! I was completely amazed at how wide awake the kids were. Usually, they're slackers. They hate waking up early and getting dressed for school. Not this day! They were awake, dressed, and ready to go before me! It was actually kind of funny, they were rushing me instead of me rushing them. I know they couldn't help it. They were excited about finally having the chance to see Sophia.

In the middle of me rushing around to get myself ready, Angel made an early run to the store to fuel up the gas tank and grab the kids something to snack on while at the hospital waiting. This made things so much easier, especially since noone seemed interested in eating breakfast.

7:30am, my parents arrive. I'm so thankful for my parents. If it weren't for them, I'm not sure what I would do. We sat around and talked for maybe 15 minutes and then it was time to go. Out the door and packing the kids in Pappy's van. This isn't always an easy task. They usually sit and fight over who is going to sit where. Not today! Everyone knew right where they wanted to sit... no fights, no questions asked.

Angel and I hopped in the truck and tried to follow behind them. I can't believe how heavy traffic can be at 7:50. But after finally making it onto the highway, we caught up with them. Besides heavy traffic and a patch of roadwork, everyone seemed to be in high spirits.

Our first appointment was for 8:30am.... meeting with our social worker, Mindy. This woman is amazing. I thank God every day that we have her. If it weren't for her, I'm sure everything would be much harder then it is. We sat down and talked with her for about 30 minutes. During this time, we were able to get our birth plan set in place. I think it's a rather good one. And if there are things we would like to add to it, we can just let her know and we can get it added. I'll add Sophia's birth plan to the tabs above soon.

9:00am MDC meeting with the NICU team... this was the part I was dreading! I wasn't sure what to expect. None of my kids have ever been in the NICU (not that Sophia will be going there). We walked in the room, and of course I was a bit nervous in the beginning. But after sitting down and being introduced to everyone, I felt more at ease. I remember sitting down and thinking, "I hope my other kids are behaving." Now time to get down to business about Sophia. One of the doctors I can remember by name was Dr. Johnson! She was so very nice. We all discussed what was going on with Sophia and then it was Mindy's turn to speak. She filled everyone in on our birth plan. Noone seemed to object to anything. Moving on, Dr. Johnson started telling us about some things we can expect to see or hear during delivery. We were told that we're allowed to bring in our own hats for Sophia. But the best thing to do would be to have someone make them because store bought hats will be too big. I remember back when we bought hats for our other babies, they always seemed to be too small! How could those same hats be too big? My poor, precious Sophia :( They went on to tell us that there may be times when Sophia's breathing may stop. When I heard this, all I wanted to do was cry. Thankfully, I had 2 cans of orange juice and some cheez-its. They kept me pretty busy... or should I say distracted, during times that I felt that I had to cry. Before long, our meeting was over. Honestly, I felt relieved. I knew our special time was coming!

We came back down to MFM and my parents and kids were all sitting there waiting. Mercedes had decided that while we were in our meeting, she was going to the Gift Shop to buy her baby sister a gift. She wanted me to open it right away, so I did. Inside this gift bag was an adorable stuffed animal of a white-tailed deer. After a little bit, Junior seemed to be feeling a bit down and asked his Nanny to take him to the Gift Shop so he can buy something for his baby sister too. While they were in there, Angel and I snuck outside for a bit of fresh air and a few minutes to talk alone about everything we had been told. I could tell by his facial expression that he was hurting. I just wasn't sure which part of the meeting had made him feel this way. It turned out that it was exactly the same thing that had been bothering me... being told that Sophia may end up gasping for air. That hurts our hearts deeply. After a few minutes, we put ourselves back together and went back into the hospital. By this time, Junior had his gift picked out. And of course I was told to open it right away. So I did. This time, it was yet another stuffed animal, but this one was a gray squirrel. So cute!

10:30am our family visit with Sophia! My parents waited for us in the waiting room while we went back with all the kids. This was nothing new for Javier. He's used to this. He loves sitting back and watching his baby sister show up on the overhead monitor. Mercedes, Junior, and Jordan all got comfortable and sat back to watch. Mercedes had lots of questions to ask, "What's that?" "Oh wow, is that her heart beat?" "Oh my gosh, is that her arm?" She was absolutely amazed! The boys were all fairly quiet and didn't ask any questions. About 20 minutes into our ultrasound, Junior started asking if we were done yet. I'm not sure if he was getting antsy or just uncomfortable with the situation. Shortly after, the scan was complete and we had to wait for the doctors to come in with their findings. We were told that everything is looking good, but fluid levels are high (at 30). This made me nervous. I told the doctor how I had been having experiences with Braxton-Hicks contractions and how I have noticed that it is hard to breathe if I lay on my right side or on my back. He told me that the reasons for these things is because of the fluid levels. He told me that they could do an amnio reduction, if need be. But that if the high fluid starts to affect my health, we'll have to have Sophia early. This was something I absolutely did not want! With more pictures of Sophia in hand, we proceeded to check out and scheduled another appointment for 1 week later to check fluid levels.

I was so ready to get out of there! Before we left, we talked with Mindy 1 more time with the information on where to go to meet our NILMDTS photographer. We had some time left over so we decided to surprise the kids and go to McDonald's for lunch. I almost think that was a mistake! (lol) The line was so long. I took the kids into the PlayPlace while we waited for Angel to bring the food. Then, trying to get the kids out of the PlayPlace to eat was not very easy! After a little while, they finally decided to sit down and eat. They finished up with their burgers and ran right back in! Atleast we made it to our photoshoot location on time! While getting Javier out of his car seat, I noticed he had chocolate on his shirt. I was so upset! I couldn't get it out. I remember thinking, "Great! This poor woman is going to think that we let our kids go around dirty!" Nothing was ever said!

1pm family pregnancy pic time! We had such a blast. It was a bit chilly out there, but well worth it in the end. The boys ran around for a little, while I filled out a form and Kathy searched for a nice area for the pictures. Somehow between that time, Javier ended up with a scratch on his chin from a stick he was playing with. I remember hoping that it wouldn't show up in the pictures. Everyone seemed to have had a good time with the photoshoot. 60+ pictures later and we were done. We hung around for a few minutes talking with Kathy (the photographer). She apologized for everything that we're going through. She also told me that her first photoshoot with NILMDTS was with a woman that had an anencephalic baby. She asked if I would like to talk to her sometime. Of course I would! So I'm waiting for an e-mail from her.

28 weeks!

Fast forward to today...

We went in for a 1:30 appointment to have fluid levels checked. Unfortunately, they're still high. But have dropped a little bit. I'm hoping that this means that Sophia is learning how to swallow. I guess noone will know for sure. All I can do is hope and pray that she is. We left with 7 more pictures of our sweet girl. I'll try to add some of these pictures later.

I think that's it for updates for right now. Time to get the kiddos in bed and settled. Thanks for checking back!

Wednesday, May 4, 2011

7 months...

well, close enough! Tomorrow makes 28 weeks for us, but I decided to do my blog now. We have so much ahead of us tomorrow. I'm sure by the time we get home from the hospital, I'll be ready for a long nap!

Tomorrow we'll be meeting with our social worker to discuss our birth plan. After that, we'll be meeting with the NICU team for our MDC. This part, I am not looking forward to. But I guess it's time to chin up. After that, we'll be going for our ultrasound to see Sophia. I'm very excited for this! And after all our appointments are out of the way, we'll be going for our family pregnancy pictures. Super excited! It'll be the first time we get to meet our NILMDTS photographer.

I've decided to let my 3 older children stay home from school tomorrow to join us. It'll be the first time they get to see their baby sister. And they also wanted to be included in the pictures. I wouldn't have it any other way! They're all super excited to see her and take pictures with her. It's only a little after 9pm and they're all sleeping. This is not normal in the Velazquez house (lol). But lately, there is nothing normal about our family anymore.

Of course, on the outside, we look like your average family. 2 parents, 4 children ranging in age from 10-3, and a baby on the way. Sometimes I wish these strangers only knew what we're being faced with. Would they even be able to understand the pain that my family is feeling? Probably not. But maybe if they knew, they would keep their questions at bay.

7 months... it seems like such a long time. Unfortunately, it's been going by way too fast for us. As every day passes, I know I'm one day closer to delivering Sophia. Yes, I am beyond excited to finally get the chance to meet this precious little girl that I've been feeling the last few months. Yes, I'm excited to hold her and tell her just how much I love her. Yes, I'm excited about getting the chance to take in her scent. What I am not excited about, is having to let her go so soon. I dread this day. I keep telling myself, "God wouldn't have put Sophia in my life if He didn't think I was strong enough to deal with what will happen." Truth is, I'm far from strong enough.

I lost my grandfather when I was about 10-11 years old. And that pain still seems very raw. I never got to say good-bye to him. Apparently, I was "too young". But now here I am, just days away from turning 26, and I still find myself thinking of him. Wishing he was still here with us. Wishing I could just leave the house and track him down, because to me, he hasn't died. He's lost out there somewhere and noone can find him. I have no closure.

I know things will be different when it comes to Sophia, but my point is, I do not handle death very well. This is going to tear me apart. While all these other moms get to hold their babies in their arms and love on them, I'll be sitting back grieving. I'll be having to go to a cemetery to spend time with my little girl. And I find myself wondering, "Will she even know I'm there?" I know I will be spending many afternoons sitting/laying next to her. "Will my other children understand that they will always have a baby sister?" Mercedes will continuously tell me that everything is so unfair because she can't have the baby sister she's been waiting for for so long. I just hope that she'll always remember that she does in fact have a sister. One that is extra special. One that will be watching over all of us for years to come. One who will be waiting for us when our time here is over.

These words are just so hard to say. I never thought that this would be me. A "baby loss mama".

If it weren't for Sophia, I never would've met some of the people that I have. Within the last few weeks, I've met some pretty amazing people. Some who have touched my heart with their kind words, some who have offered to lend an ear to listen and a shoulder to cry on, and some who have made me life when all I felt like doing was dying.

But I have to keep on keeping on. Mercedes, Junior, Jordan, and Javier need me. I know Sophia will be well taken care of in the arms of Jesus.

Time to head to bed and prepare for our early morning journey!

Sunday, May 1, 2011

And the road gets harder

I never thought I'd be saying those words, because it seems like it cannot get any harder then it has been. Boy, was I wrong!

This past week seems to be one of the hardest I've faced yet. I've been dealing with Braxton-Hicks nearly every day for a week. Everytime they hit, I sit here and say to myself, "Please God, do not let this be the time! I'm just not ready!" I have never experienced Braxton-Hicks this early on. The doctors assure me that it's nothing to worry about. Maybe to them it's not!

Aside from that, I'm finding it hard to contain my emotions. I thought I was doing so well for awhile. Of course I've shed a few tears here and there, but haven't had a complete meltdown since we received the news and the whole first 2 weeks after that. This past week has been different. I've had to cry myself to sleep. I've sat here listening to certain songs and just cry. I've read numerous stories about other mothers who have lost their babies, and cry. I wonder if things will be the same for me... or if they'll be different.

I'm starting to feel as if I'm distancing myself from those who matter most. I'll sit here at my window and watch everyone go on about their day, without a care in the world. And I find myself wondering, "How can they do this? Is there nothing that bothers them?" I guess I'll never know the answer. But for me, it feels as if everything has come to a halt. Like the world has just stopped turning. I find it hard to get up out of bed every day. I find it even harder to leave my house.

I went for a walk with Angel and Javier (my youngest) and while we were walking, we were stopped and asked the usual questions: 

When are you due?
What are you having?
Is this going to be your last?

And of course, congratulations.

Certain people that have known us for years, we will explain what is going on. But to those who don't know us all that well, we just answer the questions and keep moving. I never thought questions like those would be so hard to answer. Everyone seems to think that when you're pregnant, you'll have a baby and come home with him/her and watch her grow. They never think of the possibilities that something may go wrong. Or that the mother was given a fatal prenatal diagnosis.

On another note, tomorrow is Jordan's birthday (my 3rd child)! He'll be 6 years old. I wonder where all the time has gone. At the same time, I find myself wondering what Sophia would be doing on her 6th birthday. Or even on her 1st. I'm told these are normal feelings. They just don't feel 'normal' to me. But even through these hard times, Jordan has been wonderful! He never forgets that he has a baby sister on the way. He gives her hugs and kisses every day! There are even times when he'll ask, "Mommy, did Sophia go to Heaven yet?" That's one question that seems to hurt me every time. I know he's not trying to hurt me. It's just one of those questions. He actually got to feel her move for the first time yesterday. His reaction was priceless! He went from being calm to overly excited! In his Daddy's words, "He acts as if he just had his first taste of candy!" That was one way to put it. Ever since, he'll ask me, "Is she moving yet, Mommy? I want to feel her again!" Unfortunately, my other kids haven't felt her move yet. Javier has, but didn't really know what it was.

I missed out on taking a 27 week pic :( My camera died and it's in the middle of being charged. Once I have that, I'll post it!

And now, we're moving on to Week 28! I'm excited and scared. One week closer to D-Day. This week, we'll be meeting with the NICU team. Not that Sophia will be taken into the NICU, but it's so that we can have some answers as to what we'll hear and what they'll do during delivery. And what to expect. I do not look forward to this, but I know it's something we have to do. Thanks to my wonderful social worker, Mindy, we'll be going in for an ultrasound right after the meeting is over. God knows how much I love to see Sophia on that monitor. Even if she's still/sleeping. It amazes me to see just how much she has grown from the previous scan.

I'm sure you have all heard the old wives tale of. "If you have alot of heartburn during pregnancy, your baby will have alot of hair." In my case, that has always been true! My first 3 children, I had pretty mild heartburn. They all had a decent amount of hair at birth. My 4th child, everything I came in contact with gave me heartburn, water included! He had more hair then the others. Now here is my dilemma: why am I having such bad heartburn now? Pretty much everything I eat or drink (besides water), gives me heartburn. It doesn't make much sense to me right now. I guess it's a 'wait and see' thing.

Please God, grant us a miracle!