"Why are the doctors going to continue to monitor her if you're just gonna lose her anyway?"
"You know, hanging ultrasound pictures up of her is like beating your head into a wall."
"Well, atleast it's almost over."
"Why would you put your baby through such pain?"
But the one that is really bothering me is, "It's better to lose a baby as a newborn rather then when they are a couple years old."
This statement wasn't made to me. It was made to my 10 year old daughter! This one statement really upset her. And when she finally came to me and told me about it, I was beyond furious. At that point, I wanted to make some heads roll! As a family, we are going through so much right now that we really do NOT need the rude/nasty comments. What we are doing is something we believe in. Every child, every baby, has a right to have a chance at life! What makes Sophia any different? Why do these people have to continue throwing salt on an open wound?
I wish this comment would've been made directly to me. Then I could've put this person in her place. But to have the nerve to say it to a 10 year old girl, who is hurting beyond this person's imagination, is just down right cruel! They have no idea what happens at home, behind closed doors. I find my daughter crying because she doesn't want to lose her only sister. She's just a jumble of mixed emotions. She understands that her sister is very special and will be taken right to Heaven when God calls her Home. But Mercedes still finds this very unfair, as do I.
She went on to tell my daughter that there really isn't a bond there when you lose them right away. Any REAL mother would know that a bond has been made between mother and child from the minute they find out they are expecting. That bond only gets stronger during delivery. I was very hurt, upset, disappointed, you name it! I guess it really wouldn't matter had it been a stranger to say this. But this person is part of our family (or should I say was). She has never experienced the loss of a child, and honestly, I hope she never does! I wish noone ever had to experience the pain that we have been feeling, along with many other families who have lost their babies.
I had an opportunity to confront her about this 2 days after she said it. But I kept my cool, I had to. She showed up for a combination party for 2 of my sons (their birthdays are 2 weeks apart) and my daughter's First Holy Communion party. I couldn't believe that she actually had the nerve to ask me, "So, how are you feeling?" I wanted to snap right then and there. But instead, I answered with "Eh." and kept moving. She didn't want to know how I was feeling. She should already know!
But I take pride in knowing that what we are doing with Sophia is very special. We're giving her a chance at life, no matter how long or how short. At the same time, we are showing our 4 other children the true meaning of unconditional love. When Sophia is called Home, she will leave behind a legacy. One that we will all continue to spread like wildfire. This precious little girl means the world to us all.
This journey has not been an easy one. I wouldn't wish this on my own worst enemy. But I can tell you this, I wouldn't trade our time with Sophia for anything in this world. God put Sophia in our lives for a reason, whether it be to teach us to love deeper, appreciate life more than we have, to become closer to Him, or because He knows we're strong enough to get through this and spread the much needed awareness. The reason is unknown!
During my daughter's First Holy Communion Mass, it felt as if God was talking to us through our priest. There was something he said that felt like it was directed right at me. I wish I could remember his exact words. But I found myself dazed after he spoke his words. It was along the lines of, all we ever want to do is to be good parents and point our children in the right direction so they may return Home. Maybe that wasn't it... but it's pretty close! I remember sitting there, dazed and thinking, "I will be bringing Sophia into this world, for a short period of time, and she will return Home and be with Jesus. Who could ask for anything more?" But I do ask for more. It makes me feel selfish. But I ask that He grant us a miracle and allow Sophia to stay here with her family. Like any mother, I do not want to give up my daughter, not even to God. But sometime within the next 9 weeks and 2 days, I will have to. And not by choice. But because that is what He wants.
**Sophia Grace Velazquez... much too beautiful for Earth**
|Family Pic!! In back, Angel & me. In front, Junior, Mercedes, Javier, & Jordan. Special Guest: Sophia Grace!|