About 3 months after delivering my last baby (who is now almost 4 years old), I had a disturbing dream. The only reason I can remember it, is because it was pretty much the last vivid dream I had, that I can actually remember. Half the time, I can't remember even the slightest detail of my dreams. This one was different. This one woke me up out of a sound sleep. Call it strange, if you must. But it is very true.
In my dream, I had found out I was pregnant. I remember very clearly that they said "It's a Girl!" During that same ultrasound, they told me, "Your baby has no skull." And gave me a few pictures of this precious girl. Well, in my dream, they never used the word "anencephaly". Not that I would've known the meaning. And at the time, I didn't have internet at home so I couldn't do any searching on this "no skull" condition. Days, weeks, months, and years have passed. I don't give it much thought. But as of lately, it's really been hitting me. Like something was trying to tell me that my next pregnancy wouldn't be "normal".
I remember when I took the first at-home pregnancy test and it came up positive. That dream started running through my head again. But I tried to shrug it off and believe that everything was fine. In this dream of mine, they never told me that "These babies do not survive." So of course all that time I was thinking that if a baby was born with no skull, they'd be able to do something to help them. I guess I was wrong :(
Ever since receiving the news about Sophia's anencephaly, I've been having dreams that I can vividly remember. Dreams that I'm laying up in the hospital, waiting for my turn to go into the OR, not wanting to rush things this time around. The time comes to go into the OR, Sophia (or who I believe is Sophia) is born. Crying and screaming. My first words being, "Is she okay?" Before long, they have her cleaned up and swaddled in a blanket. But she's not wearing a hat. She's got a perfectly shaped head! Bone and all. But as soon as they go to put her in my arms, I wake up. Same part of the dream every night, I wake up. It's rather upsetting.
Is this a way of telling me that she's fine and will survive? Or is this a way of telling me the next baby will be fine? I'm not too sure how to take it. I want to take it as a sign this time around, since I shrugged off the last dream I can remember.
Now, onto other news: Easter has just passed! We had a very long and busy weekend, and we didn't even leave the house! We spent time together as a family, dying eggs. Well let's just say that on Saturday, my kids weren't behaving all that well. I thought I'd be pulling my hair out by the time we started dying the eggs. So, I'm sitting there watching them and my 9 year old son pops out with, "Mom, look!" I glanced at the egg and told him, "That's a nice one buddy! Now put it in the carton." He looked at me as if I was stupid. And said, "Mom, this is Sophia's egg! It has her anencephaly colors on it!" I looked at it for a few minutes, in awe! I wanted to cry right then. Let's just say my stress level went from unbelievably high to zilch! I couldn't believe that with everything going on, and Easter being the next day, that they had actually remembered their baby sister. I had a smile on my face that lasted the entire night.
Friday afternoon, Angel and I went out to meet the Easter bunny. (Shhh). While we were out, we decided to swing by Wal-Mart. I wanted to pick up some sidewalk chalk for the kids to put with their Easter baskets. But, I forgot. Instead, I walked directly to the baby section, which is an area I've been trying to stay away from ever since February. Angel looked at me, kinda shocked, and asked what I was doing. I said, "Well, Sophia needs an outfit." We haven't bought her any clothes. We wanted to wait until we were told if it was a girl or a boy. And of course the next day we received the devastating news. But I felt like I just HAD to buy her her first outfit. I was searching around for a dress. I could just imagine how beautiful she would look. Well, let's just say, Wal-Mart doesn't have a great selection when it comes to searching for preemie outfits. Eventually, I found a display that had some preemie outfits on it. Lots of Eastery type of outfits. No sense in that though, seeing as how she'll be born after Easter. Until this one outfit caught my eye, and I knew I had to get it for her. Who says babies can't rock skirts?
|Sophia's first outfit|
I think that's it for updates for now, but not before I add Week 26's pic! Hope you all had a wonderful and blessed Easter!
|26 weeks and counting!|