Or for those of you who like to be more specific, 24 weeks today! I cannot believe we have made it this far already. Sometimes, it feels as if it has taken forever to reach this mark. Other times, it feels as if the time has flown by. Looks like we have another 2 months and 3 weeks to go until delivery. I do not want this pregnancy to end! Sophia has completely changed my life within the last 6 weeks. And she has changed me for the better. I have learned to cherish every minute of my pregnancy, unlike before when I couldn't wait for it to be over. She has taught me how to love deeper. Something I never thought was possible. She has even taught me how to appreciate my body for what it is. After all, this body has given life to 4 children, and will be carrying her until God thinks it's time. Who cares about the extra weight I may put on? Who cares about the massive amounts of stretch marks? I've always called them my battle scars. But now, I don't look at it that way anymore. I look at them as being marks of strength. Marks of life. And marks of motherhood. I wouldn't change anything! Ok, well maybe one little thing. And that would be to keep Sophia here with us forever. I'm sure God will either grant us that, or grant us plenty of time to make memories with her before He calls her home.
We finally had our prenatal echo appointment yesterday. I believe that went rather well. Sophia didn't really want to cooperate, she was just so active. But from what the doctor seen, he said there is no heart defect visible! What a relief! But, I'm scheduled to go back in for another echo, just so he can rule out any major defects. The only thing he was able to spot was like a small calcium deposit on her heart. Which he said really isn't anything to worry about. That it could happen in a "normal" pregnancy just as well. But that if there was more then 1, it would lead them to believe that the baby has a chromosome problem. But there's only one, so no need to worry. After about an hour, the doctor decided to give up trying. Either Sophia wouldn't stop moving or there was a shadow going over the area he was trying to look at. I was relieved though. I was starting to feel uncomfortable.
Moved to another room... time for another ultrasound! I couldn't wait. I love seeing Sophia. Especially when she's active. Scan started: kicking of the legs begins. What a wonderful feeling and a great thing to watch. They were only supposed to check Sophia's fingers and the placenta. But they took a bit of a detour, and we got to see all of Sophia. Based on just her belly and thighs, she's weighing in at 1 pound 2 ounces. Her heartbeat was still strong... 157! She's her momma's little fighter. I was hoping to receive lots of pictures yesterday, but Sophia decided she wanted to face my back. I took this as her way of saying, "I've had enough for one day, Mom. These people are bothering me!" Which I wouldn't doubt. But with a little magic from the wonderful ultrasound tech, we were able to get a shot of her face... and how beautiful it is!
Sometimes I find myself dreaming at night. Dreams where Sophia is born alive and well. No anencephaly. No heart defect. No possibility of Iniencephaly. And a set of lungs that would make a soprano jealous! And for some reason, I call these dreams "nightmares". I know I shouldn't. But they scare me. Only because the doctors tell me there is no chance of survival. But in these dreams, she's surviving. And thriving. It just doesn't make much sense to me. Is it a form of denial? Maybe. Is it a sign that maybe things will change? Lord, I hope so!
But until then, I will just enjoy these precious moments that I have with her. Sophia, thank you so much for being who you are. We love you so much... and nothing will ever change that!