Tuesday, February 21, 2012

Warm Welcome

I would like to take a minute to welcome all of my most recent readers. I haven't been able to update as much as I would like. But as of lately, I've been trying. I can't believe how many people are now reading Sophia's story. It really has traveled across the world, exactly what I was hoping for! So, welcome and please excuse some of my posts. There are times I just need to vent and have nowhere else to do it but here.

Sophia's article finally made it in the newspaper! I have been beside myself since Sunday. It just leaves me to sit here and wonder, "How many people took the time out of their busy days to read?". But I guess that is a question I will never know the answer to. I have received so much positive feedback from others on Facebook. It's amazing. I love knowing how they have read it and how the story has touched them. And what better story than one that is TRUE!! If you haven't read it yet but would like to, I added a tab at the top of this page! You're only a click away.

We've been receiving some pretty steady traffic here on Sophia's blog and now also on her newest Facebook page. Please feel free to swing by! Just type in "Team: Sophia's Angels" in the search bar. That should bring you right to us. I've been trying to update as much as possible, as our March of Dimes walk is not too far from now. Also, the Team Sophia's Angels March Of Dimes page has been getting a few donations as of lately. It's incredible to see that there are still some good people left in the world. It brings a smile to my face to see those people wanting to help other babies. I can't imagine what this world would be like without the sounds of baby cries, laughs, even hiccups!

Today marks 39 weeks since Sophia was brought into this world. An angel we got to hold for the very first time. People will tell you that it gets easier in time, after losing a child. I don't believe that. I miss her more and more with each passing moment. I couldn't even begin to sit here and describe exactly what it's like. There really are no words. It's a pain I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy. Life changes drastically when you lose a baby. You're stuck sitting back thinking about the "what-ifs" or wondering what your baby would be doing if he/she was still here. Would they be holding their head up on their own? Would they be trying to sit up unassisted? Would they be trying to say their first words? Would she be a Daddy's girl? Would he be a Momma's boy? There are so many questions that are left unanswered.

I've learned to live with this pain. I'll never stop wishing and hoping that she was still here. But I will continue to try telling myself that I will be able to see her one day. That she will always know who her family is and that she's watching over us and keeping us out of harms way. I guess, for now, that is just the way that things have to be.

Normally on every Tuesday, I sit here upset. Wondering exactly how I am going to get through my day. But today is different. I'm on a mission to get through to Baby Talk magazine and see about having an article written. Maybe even ask some of the other Anencephaly Angel Moms to help! Wouldn't it be pretty cool to read the stories of not only one baby, but many many others as well? I think it would be. I'm also going to be searching around this week comparing prices of t-shirts. I've had several people ask if we're going to have Team Sophia's Angels t-shirts made. And I was, for our family. I just didn't think anyone else would want them. Yet again I was wrong. So I'm going to look around at the different businesses and see what their designs look like, along with their prices. Hopefully I can find something really good. Anyone who knows me, knows that I will not settle for second best when it comes to Sophia (or any of my kids for that matter). Everything has to be perfect! Once I have more information on that, I'll be sure to let my readers know.

The only thing that hasn't changed on this Monday night/Tuesday morning, is my sleep. I still find it difficult to sleep. Here it is, creeping up on 4:30am and I'm awake. I wish I could change that, but right now I just can't. I'm worn out physically and emotionally, but I keep on truckin'. I feel like nothing can hold me down at this point. As if I'm unstoppable! More or less, my body is so used to waking up several times throughout the night to feed, change, and cuddle with a baby. And since I can't do that, I have a very hard time falling asleep. Not to mention, my mind races in a million different directions when I try to relax and go to bed. I find myself wondering, "What is Sophia doing right now?" and then I end up with a bunch of images in my head of her playing with all the other Anencephaly Angels. Hanging out with members of our family who have passed. I'm sure they all met her with big hugs and smiles on their faces when she made her way to the Pearly Gates.

God knows I miss her. God knows just how much I love her. And quite honestly, I would do it all over again if it meant that I could hold her, hug her, kiss her little cheeks, whisper little secrets in her ear. Our biggest secret has been made open for the world. That secret was that I would go on to tell everyone and anyone about Sophia & Anencephaly. I'm working my way on doing that. One article at a time, one Facebook post at a time, and one blog at a time!

Miss Sophia, our little princess, we hope you're having a fantastic day! Make sure you sit down and take some time out to spend with Andrew. Oh, and make sure the two of you eat a bowl of ice cream! His mommy did :) Better yet, make it two... it's a celebration! We love and miss you so very much. Come visit my dreams, beautiful angel <3

Sophia's resting place. Thanks to everyone who helped us raise the money for this beautiful headstone

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