Tuesday, April 10, 2012

First Easter

I knew right away Easter wasn't going to be an easy day. Last year I was still carrying Sophia, all snug inside my womb. Watched the kids as they dyed their eggs and showed me which ones they made for Sophia. This year, I sat here... empty. Both in the arms and in my womb. They each made their own special eggs for Sophia. Some were green and pink, just like last year. And some were purple. All I could do was smile. At least they haven't forgotten about their baby sister.

When the Easter Bunny finally made his way here, I couldn't help but choke back tears the entire time. I watched as the kids baskets were being filled and couldn't help but think, "There's a basket missing. There is a child no longer with us." I kept taking in deep breaths. Angel looked over at me and asked what was wrong. I didn't have to answer him after he seen my face. He knew. At this point, I just wanted to run away and cry. Peter Cottontail did not stay long. He knew how upset I was so he made it a quick visit.

I tried to get myself back into better spirits. But nothing seemed to work. I didn't want to wake up on Easter Sunday. I'd rather just sleep the day away. I knew I wasn't going to get out of this so I woke up and watched my kids as they searched through their Easter baskets. Once again, I was stuck choking back tears. I didn't want to let them loose. If I get all upset, the kids follow suit and I didn't want to upset them.

Dinner time came. We invited my parents over. We didn't have a whole lot of company. I wasn't really in the mood to see anyone. I just wanted to be left alone. But, we had them come over and spend the day with us. While I was eating dinner, I found myself daydreaming. I was sitting there eating my mashed potatoes and just zoned out. Thinking about how I would be giving Sophia tastes of mashed potatoes from my plate, along with mashed peas. She wasn't here for me to do this. Several times my eyes filled up with tears. But I couldn't allow myself to break. The day was almost over and I had to keep strong... at least until the kids were in bed that night. I snapped out of it and finished my dinner.

Shortly after dinner, we went for our visit with Sophia. We had a couple gifts to bring to her. Angel decided he wanted to give her his chocolate bunny. We also had a solar light for her. This isn't your ordinary solar light. It caught my eye immediately at the store. It looks like a sunflower, and has a small purple butterfly sitting on one of the petals. When we got there, we noticed someone had been there before us. Whoever this person is, left Sophia her own personal Easter basket. The moment I saw it, my eyes filled with tears and a smile spread across my face. Inside the basket sat a stuffed lamb, with a heart plaque that reads, "Love never falters nor gives up". It was wrapped up in yellow plastic. On the outside, there is a clear ornament with "angel feathers" inside of it. Right next to it sits a poem. The cutest poem I have ever read:

Feathers From An Angel
Are Hardly Ever Seen
But These Are Quite Different
There Special As Can Be.

These Feathers Are A Reminder
Of A Special Person's Love
Who Is Now Your Guardian Angel
Watching And Protecting
From Above.
We have yet to find the person responsible for leaving this for her. I completely understand if they don't want us to know. By the time we made it home, I had to have Angel run back to retrieve her basket. It was starting to look like rain and I'd hate to see her first Easter basket get ruined. Now, it sits on our kitchen table for all to see.
Sophia's lamb
Sophia's Angel Feathers
It is so nice to know that there are other people out there who care about and love our precious girl as much as we do. To see that someone took time out of their day to drop off a little something that means so much to us, is amazing! If you're reading this post, THANK YOU! Truly from the bottom of our hearts!

Seeing this gift helped me make it through the rest of my day. It has yet to get easier since Easter. But I'm throwing myself back into planning. We have a bake sale coming up this weekend for Team Sophia's Angels. All money raised will be going directly towards our goal for March of Dimes! I'm very excited about this walk and really need to get my head in the game. I also have to start planning birthday parties that are coming up next month, along with a memorial party for Sophia. I can't believe she'll be one in just a little over a month from now.

We hope that all of our readers have had a wonderful and blessed Easter season.

Sophia Grace, Happy 45 weeks! We miss and love you so very much. Not a day goes by that we don't think of you. Please continue to show us your signs that you're always around. We love you baby girl <3

Easter Sunday!
(Chocolate bunny off to the left, solar light directly in the middle, basket to the right)

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