Today has been rather strange. I started my day off by cleaning and rearranging the house... trying my best to keep my mind occupied. Now here I am at 2 o'clock in the morning and I'm missing my beautiful girl more then words could even describe. I've said this plenty of times before, but I'm happy I'm not the only one who has been faced with Anencephaly. At the same time, it upsets me to know that other couples know our pain & heartache. It's not something I would wish on anyone. It's an indescribable pain. One that never goes away.
I've been told hundreds of times now that the grieving process gets easier with time. I never believed that. But here I am, 41 weeks and 2 days later, and I'm starting to feel a bit better. I'm able to wear a real smile then hide behind a fake one. I have lots to be happy about. I've got 5 beautiful kids... 2 daughters and 3 sons. They're my world. They all make me so proud. I know now that Sophia is very happy and being well taken care of. I also know that a day will come when we will all be reunited with her. What a fantastic day that will be! Knowing Sophia is happy, brings happiness to me.
Occasionally, I still post the depressing things. But as of lately, my Facebook statuses have been about more positive things, jokes, etc. Does this mean I am over our loss? Most certainly not! Does this mean I am the "old" me? Definitely not! Does this mean I no longer miss my beautiful baby girl? Now that's absurd! Nothing changes, just my feelings. I'm sure I will still have my fair share of down & depressed days. But for now, I'm smiling! Smiling because I know when I go outside and the sun is shining brightly on my face, I know that's Sophia!! Smiling because I know it is what Sophia would want me to do. Smiling because I have such wonderful friends and family. An amazing support system on Facebook (yes, I said it. Facebook.) Those women know who they are. If it weren't for you ladies, I don't know where I would be right now.
The time is coming closer and closer for our March of Dimes walk. I'm getting rather excited. Donations have been coming in small & large amounts. That doesn't matter, every little bit helps! In my eyes, if we can all get together and raise some money for a great cause in Sophia's honor, that's like keeping Sophia's spirit and story alive through another child. Sure, they will never get the chance to know who she is. That's the beauty of it. Helping someone and them not knowing who did it or why. They just "did". I've got a few plans brewing, I'm hoping to be able to follow through with them all.
In the meantime, I have birthday parties to plan for. Sophia's oldest brother turned 10 2 days ago. We're having his party tomorrow and he's super excited. I'm sure he'll be keeping Sophia close to him, in his heart. He misses her so very much, as all the kids do. I know, without a doubt in my mind, that she knows how much he loves her and misses her. So I'm sure she'll be right there beside him on his special day.
On a side note, we're still spreading awareness on Sophia's condition. We did the article with the newspaper first. Next step: radio! That should be underway sometime next month. We just have to get everything set up with the wonderful man who has agreed to help us on our quest on spreading the much needed awareness on Anencephaly. If you haven't read Sophia's article yet, there is a tab at the top that will take you right to it. If you haven't donated or joined Team Sophia's Angels yet, there is a tab above for that too.
We'd like to take this opportunity to thank everyone who has stayed by our side throughout the past 13 months. You're all fantastic people. We love you all!