NILMDTS pics!

I'm happy to say that we have finally received 30 of our hospital pictures from our NILMDTS photographer. I was having a pretty down & out day, like I've been having the last 34 days. Yesterday was no different. Until I decided to check my e-mail and I seen that I had a message from our photographer saying she was finally able to upload 30 pictures. I was beyond excited. I couldn't wait to see them. Which reminds me, I still need to reply to her. These pictures made my day so much better. 1 good day out of 34! All it took was to see that our love for Sophia was caught in the pictures. They're truly amazing! Now I'm sure you're all wondering when I'm going to shut up and share them with you. So I won't make you wait any longer!

To view Sophia's hospital pictures, go to Collages and click on Guests on the left. Next, it'll ask for a username and password. The username is Sophia Grace's Birth and the password is 23376. On the next screen, just enter your information. Then it'll bring you to the album. I think the site is experiencing some problems so in order to view them, you have to click on "Webshow" to the left or else you'll only see 3 pictures. Hopefully they'll get it situated soon. There is also a guestbook located on the site. It too sits off to the left. We'd love to hear from you!

There are many more pictures left. I'm really hoping she got a picture of all 7 of us together. Honestly, I can't remember much about that day, so I'm not sure what she got pictures of. All I know is, I can't wait to see the rest! She has done such a wonderful job. The wait was totally worth it! Kathy Diggan, if you are reading this, thank you from the bottom of our hearts!! Thank you just doesn't seem like enough. I'm so glad that you were able to meet our precious little angel!

I haven't been able to update lately because yet again, I've fallen sick. I'm starting to notice a pattern here. I guess I'm supposed to be sick on every holiday now. Last night was very hard for me. I hated to be out and enjoying the fireworks with the family. I wanted so badly to be sitting there holding Sophia and including her on everything we did. But, she made her presence known! Angel snagged his sisters cell phone and we sat there watching the fireworks and listening to "I Will Carry You". Before long, they shot off a firework that looked like a butterfly!! I'm not sure why, but butterflies remind me of Sophia. Everytime I see one, I know she is with us. So seeing this beautiful butterfly lighting up the night sky, was the sign I needed!

Just a little while ago, I looked in our newspaper to find this picture

It's a little hard to see, but that is our family all sitting on the curb watching the fireworks. I'd be the one sitting there in black pants :) Angel is right beside me, holding Javier. Jordan is sitting in front of me. Mercedes is sitting behind Angel, all wrapped up in a blanket. And Junior is sitting over by his Grandma.

I like to think that Sophia & her angel friends all had the best seat in the house! But I can only imagine how their poor ears feel! Either way, I'm sure they enjoyed our "Coal Cracker" fireworks!

Today is yet another Monday... God how I hate Monday's! 4 weeks ago today, we buried our daughter. How has it been 4 weeks already? I wish someone could explain to me how all this time just seems to have flown right on by while it still feels like yesterday. My life still feels as if it's on pause. I feel as if I'm a robot. Like someone else is controlling me... keeping me moving forward through all these days. It's so hard to explain and even harder to understand.

Tomorrow will make yet another Tuesday... I hate these days even more. Tomorrow will make 5 weeks since we lost her. I know this month is going to be one of the hardest yet. Technically, I should still be pregnant right now! I should still be feeling Sophia kicking and moving around. I had wanted to plan a prayer ceremony rather then a baby shower for the early part of July. I never had a chance to do that. Instead, I'm planning a car wash to raise funds for Sophia's headstone. This all seems so unfair. Sophia's crib and changing table still sits in its box. Her blankets and clothes sitting in a storage tote. Playtex nurser bottles still sit inside of its box, unopened. Bibs, hats, onesies, etc. still not touched! Ask me if I will part with any of those things and I will tell you... NO! Even though Sophia is no longer with us in body, these things are still hers. I will never part with them. They are reminders that Sophia was very real. She wasn't something I had made up. I have many many pictures of her. Precious and bittersweet memories frozen in time.

With that in mind, I will end this here so you all can go on ahead to view our beautiful girl!

***Sophia Grace,  we miss you so very much... and we love you even more! I wish I could put into words just how much, but there are no words to describe it. You have done so much good in your short time with us and have touched many lives in the process. I am so proud of you! And I'm so proud to be able to call myself the mother of such a strong little girl. You're my world!***