Sophia's Journey: The count is in!!

We have finally deposited all the money raised for Sophia's headstone into the Buried With Dignity account! We had one small set back. Unfortunately, there was no money left at our church, like we were told there was. Apparently, all the money was used to cover the cost of Sophia's services. I sat here trying to think of other ways to raise the money that we were now missing. Automatically, I felt drained. Like I had no more energy to keep moving forward. I was coming very close to settling for a cheaper stone. As these thoughts were running through my head, an old high school friend popped up at my house. At first, she scared the crap out of me!! (HAHA) I didn't realize she walked up on to our porch until she spoke. But what she had to say was something that made me feel completely overwhelmed with joy and more at ease. She told me that her and her hubby had talked and agreed to help us out with the last bit of money needed to pay for Sophia's headstone. I wasn't sure if I wanted to cry, jump up and hug her, or pass out! It's one of the best feelings ever... JOY! My baby will finally have the headstone she deserves.

So, this friend of mine, took me to the bank today so I could deposit the money. Final count in my hands: $1,180! Leaving the bank, I felt so good inside. Katrina (my friend who I keep ranting about) and myself chatted the whole way home. It was nice to be able to get out and away from kids for a little bit. Once I made it home, reality struck. This is it. I've lost my baby and she's not coming back. I'll never get to hold her in my arms again. I'll never be able to hug her tight or kiss her soft cheeks again. I'll never get to tell her just how much I love her and miss her, except in my letters to her. I'll never have the chance to feed her. I'll never be woken up in the middle of the night to do diaper changes. I'll never get to watch her take her first steps or watch her learn to crawl. I'll never be able to prepare her for potty training. First day of school, out the door it went. I'll never be able to kiss her boo-boos away. I'll never be able to tell her that everything will get better after a boy breaks her heart. I'll never have the opportunity to help her get dressed on her wedding day. It's all gone! I keep trying to remind myself today that she's living on in a much better place, where there is no such thing as hurt, or pain, or illness. But that just doesn't make it any easier to deal with.

So now, we wait until we get word that the money has been received. We have the wording all figured out. I can't wait to see how it will look. I'm very excited about that. But once that is all done, what do I do? I've been keeping myself busy with planning things to raise money for her headstone... and now it's paid for. I guess now is when I really begin to grieve... and grieve hard. I have to find a way to continue living, only as a different person. I'm not the "old Tab" anymore. I'm not sure how I will make it through with a broken heart, but I will try my very best.

Now I'll take a few minutes to share some pictures of Sophia's Carwash For A Cause with my readers :)